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Dragon Wash Safety by Rodney Robbins

Many artists have a day job (Renoir and Pissarro both painted window blinds when they weren't painting canvas), and my day job for the last 20 years has been as a quality and safety manager. So this dragon cartoon, while fanciful, was taken right out of my work-a-day play book. True story: At one fine little company in the Carolinas, I helped write job hazard analyses for every job in the plant. About two years later, someone cut a finger on a "job" we hadn't even noticed. When we broke the job down and looked at it carefully, we said, "Well, look at all those sharp edges!" No one was badly hurt, but it goes to show you how easy it is to miss the obvious.

Another True Story

I'm taking my dog for a sniff (that is to say, she is taking me for a walk, with my permission of course), and this lady stops her car in the middle of the road, rolls down the window of her gray Camry and asks, "Are you training that dog?" I tell her we are going for a walk. The woman leans even further out of her window and says, "You are supposed to make them walk on the left side," then she just stares at me, like I should be oh so very grateful for her words of wisdom. I want to say, "I feel so sorry for your children," but I just wave and wonder how much trouble I buy for myself with all my shoulds and musts and assumptions. Let me just say that you should and must buy this print. Click the "Buy a Print" icon below and see how much trouble, I mean joy, you can buy.

Zombie Temp by Rodney Robbins

Two stories go with this cartoon.

I was doing some consulting for a small manufacturing company in the Carolinas, a few years ago. When we looked at their hiring practices, it was clear that the temporary workers were not working out. We found several days where most of the temps didn't show up and, surprise, production was better than when the temps were there! So, my suggestion was to fire all the temps and give whatever the company was paying the temporary agency back to the regular employees as a raise. It worked great! Morale and production both went up.

On a more personal level, this was the first cartoon I drew using a good old fashioned nib pen and a bottle of India ink. I have a rare muscle disorder called Hypokalemic (that means low potassium) Periodic Paralysis. Since I knew I was apt to get clumsy and weak from drawing, I had been using a special artist's felt pen because I was afraid I'd spill an ink bottle. I was shocked to find out I could not ink a single cartoon without my hands freezing up! Light grip, heavy grip, fat pen, skinny pen, special table--it didn't matter. I was so disappointed that I stopped drawing for about 3 months! Then I was looking at some cartoons by another artist and realized they were "drawn" with a brush. My instincts told me a nib pen with ink might give me a brushlike feel. I tried it. It worked. Now I do all my inking with 200 year old technology and so far, I haven't spilled a single bottle of ink!

If you scroll down and click the link that reads, "Or, click here to buy it as the artist intended," you'll see that I like this cartoon poster with a purple mat. However, if you need something else to match your room, just click the "Custom Frame" box.

Flying Caveman Cartoon by Rodney Robbins

This flying caveman cartoon poster WILL have a description, just as soon as I have dinner, feed the cat, give the dog her pill, say hi to my mom, play catch with my son, help my wive with her homework (she's a teacher), do some stretches and figure out how to use my new all in one remote control! So, check back soon, well, some time, well, check back in about two weeks. That should do it.

But if you like the print, go ahead and click "Buy a Print" below. If you are a serious collector (although, not too serious, these are cartoons after all), I am offering limited edition prints made on the finest paper with UV protective glazing. For more information, contact me at Rodney @ RodneyRobbins.com.

Personal Groomer by Rodney Robbins

Jared was a young man. He got good grades at Breezeway Community College and arrived 15 minutes early to work every day. After 2 years, the company owner, Mr. Schmitt, gave Jared a one dollar an hour raise. “Something’s got to give,” said Jared to himself. So Jared earned a certificate as an Internet Technology Specialist. Mr. Schmitt gave Jared another buck an hour. “That hardly seems fair,” said Jared to himself, as he swallowed an antibiotic for his new ulcer. Not to be deterred, Jared “virtually” took over the night shift of the IT department, I say “virtually” because, Jared didn’t get a raise, but the IT manager let Jared do all the work. After six months, Jared started getting gray hair, but finally Mr. Schmitt gave Jared a new title: Assistant Night Shift IT Supervisor. As Jared was leaving, Mr. Schmitt said, “Jared, wait a minute. You know son, you look like hell!” Jared was SO frustration that all he could get out of his mouth was, “Arrrrgnnnnick-tick-ick-ick,ahhh!”

The next day, Jared called in sick and went to the zoo. He watched the chimps for hours. Then, he talked to the zoo manager. Some money changed hands. From then on, Jared and the chimp, his name was Sturgis, were inseparable. Everywhere Jared went, Sturgis the Chimp was right there too. It cost a lot of money for Jared to buy Sturgis. He needed to get a special permit to keep a chimp. The little primate needed special food, truck loads of monkey litter and, of course, there were all those bills from the Exotic Pet Hospital! However, in the end, it was worth it because Jared became VP of a Fortune 500 company.

Jared had realized that his boss didn't really KNOW what he did, or how hard he worked. All Mr. Schmitt knew was how well Jared looked doing it.

Order now and you will always have a good story to tell when people admire your artwork. To order, click the text that reads, "Or, click here to buy it as the artist intended."

Thick Skinned Rhino by Rodney Robbins

This cartoon was a breakthrough learning experience for me as a cartoonist.

I had written most of the text for my cartoon tip booklet titled "Rodney's 52 Ways to Impress Your Boss--WITHOUT Sucking Up!" Of course, with a fun title like that, I knew the booklet HAD to have cartoons in it, but I just couldn't loosen up enough to do a good job. Like many skilled artists, letting go of the idea of "doing it right" was hard. I kept making the rhino too realistic, too mean looking, too detailed, too pretty and too life like.

Massively frustrated by my own failure, I finally called an expert: Brad Guigar. Brad is the author of "The Everything Cartooning Book" (rated 5 stars at Amazon.com). Brad looked at my work and gave it to me right between the eyes, he said, "These are scary!" Brad told me that by simplifying my drawing style, I would make my characters MORE universal.

It took me an entire sketchbook to loosen up enough to make this idea work! If you think it works, look below and click on the text that reads, "Click here to buy it as the artist intended." Or, if you are looking for the best value, find the icon that reads, "Buy a Print."

A Dynamite Idea Cartoon by Rodney Robbins

The sergeant practically shouted, "Corporal Jasmine Louise Robbins!"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
"I understand you are going to re-up for five more years. Is that correct?"
"Sir, no, sir!"
"What?" screamed the Gunnery Sergeant, "I thought you loved The Core?"
Jasmine looked sheepish. She asked, "Permission to speak freely, Gunny?"
"Please do."
"Well, don't get me wrong, Gunny: I enjoy mine disposal. I understand the value in eliminating land mines here in Afghanistan. Nobody wants to see kids get hurt, Gunny, but, but …"
"Spit it out soldier!"
"Well, Gunny, I joined The Marines to blow stuff up!"
"I know you did, Robbins," said the Gunnery Sergeant, "but I gotta tell you, they frown on that sort of thing in the civilian world." The Gunny spat out the word "civilian," like it was a piece of rotten fish. Jasmine was unmoved, so Gunny said, "Okay, okay, Robbins. I can tell you drive a hard bargain. I'll see what I can do about finding you some bridges to blow-up. Maybe there are some buildings we need leveled up in Badakhshan. How well do you speak Persian?"
"About as well as I speak Pashto, Gunny."
"That bad, huh? Well, never mind. Just sign here, and we can go get some grub."
"No thank you, Gunnery Sergeant, sir."
"Don't call me sir! Now quit fooling around and sign these papers!" When Jasmine didn't move, the Gunny softened, and he tried one final attack. "Okay, marine, when you get back to The World, where do you think you are going to work?"
Jasmine brightened, "Well, I thought I might work at FedEx."
"Why?"
"I like their motto: When it absolutely, positively has to be destroyed over night!"

If you like Jasmine's take-no-prisoners style, you can order her museum quality print below. Just click on the "Buy Print" icon.

Magical Mistake Cartoon by Rodney Robbins

"Keep her away from me!" said Clive reaching for the nurse's arm.
"Oh, Clive!" said Louisa clutching a gray bunny, "I said I was sorry about the snake."
They were in a distant corner of the ER at Malden Memorial Hospital.
"Nurse, please," said Clive, "I beg you: Keep her away from me!" He was cringing and close to tears.
The Nurse, I think her names was Ms. Brightly, said, "Mam, I'll have to ask you to leave. Family only!"
"But I am family!" said Louisa.
"She is not family," said Clive, "the cruise boat wedding off the coast of Fiji was annulled!"
"Please mam," said the nurse, "you're upsetting the patient."
"I told you about the snake just as soon as I found the bunny," said Louisa. "You can't expect more than that. And I didn't mean to hit you with the cane, I was aiming for the snake. And I didn't mean for you to pass out. How was I supposed to know the little brute had his coils all the way around your neck. And I know snakes cost a lot of money, but you've got to admit keeping the guillotine in the act turned out to be a smart move. And I was not flirting with that EMT, he just offered me his phone number. Here! You take it."
Clive recoiled from her hand as if from a, well, a snake. Then he collected his wits and said, "Louisa, you've shown me that honesty is always the best policy, so let me be honest with you," he paused for breath, "Right now, I can't be trusted around you with a saw."

This fine art cartoon poster is my colorist's favorite piece in the series. I do my own writing, drawing and inking, but I find working with colors (and color "leaks") very frustrating. So, I pass my suggestions on to Victoria Vinton at CoyotePressGraphics.com and she makes my images pop. If you want to make your print pop, click on "Custom Frame" below and choose just the right mat and frame. Or you can scroll down and "Buy a Print."

Never Steal Cartoon by Rodney Robbins

"Beer good," said the first zombie.

"Beer good," agreed the second zombie. "Green beer good."

A piece of the first zombie's nose fell into his green beer. He fished it out and ate it. "Beea nugts goo-ah," he mumbled as he ate.

The men were in uniform, sitting at the bottom of a silo. They had misplaced their sidearms, too difficult to operate. The first zombie picked up a Geiger Counter and smashed it into something on the floor. "Brains good," he said as the Geiger Counter clicked wildly.

"More beer," said the second zombie.

The first zombie took his friend's mug, staggered over near a wall and filled it from a large 55 gallon drum. The drum read, Anti-Freeze. "Ah," he said, "Good beer!"

Real crooks are not zombies, but I think a lot of them are about that smart. I know you are smarter than a zombie, but you can still get a steel on this fine art cartoon poster. Just click the icon below that says, "Buy a Print." You can also custom frame this piece, or contact me, and I'll write back with details on ordering a numbered, limited edition print. Write for details at mailto:rodney@rodneyrobbins.com.