Description This painting may feel a little darker than some I have done, but it's really not meant to be. It's more a reflection on the mental illness my daughter faces. She has Borderline Personality Disorder. To sum it up in a few words, it's an emotional disturbance. Every emotion she feels is 100 times more intense....which can be good for the positive emotions, but very bad for the not so wonderful ones, especially guilt. More borderlines kill themselves because of the guilt they feel than anything else. The problem is, once a borderline is well enough mentally to be self aware, the guilt kicks in and has to be overcome. They feel no one could ever really love them becasue they have done so many things wrong in the past when they were very ill. The hearts near the cottage represent our love as a family poured out on Ashley, over and over. Even though she is on the darker side of the painting, you see her begin to accept that love and understand she deserves it. She is on the road to recovery, but recently I saw just how hard it is for her. When she says she doesn't understand why I love her. It hurts to hear, but it is how she feels. How many ways can you tell a child you love them? I don't know, but I say an infinite amount:) Even if you haven't faced or know someone with mental illness, I think everyone can relate to the feeling of guilt and just wanting to be loved. It's what we all want.
Juli Cady Ryan, Cincinnati, Ohio Member Since July 2007 Artist Statement I grew up on a farm in north-western Indiana in the small town of La Porte. Many of my paintings are inspired from these early years living in the beautiful countryside. I had dogs, many cats and a pony named Thunder. I spent many days riding that pony pretending I was the female version of the Lone Ranger. My imagination was at work constantly. So it's not a surprise that I use this imagination to create whimsical acrylic paintings!
My Inspiration The inspiration for most of my paintings is my own childhood. My childhood on the outside seemed ideal in the beautiful countryside. Yet there was trouble within that could not be so easily seen. My mother struggled with mental illness. And now I watch my daughter do the same. Her story is also woven into my paintings, where my story leaves off hers begins. Almost entwined at times. A bond of newly discovered self-love and acceptance. She is a strong young woman now, but her struggle continues. She amazes me with her ability to deal with what's been given to her and not complain or constantly ask, why me? I use that strength and self-love she is learning to have and I paint it. I try and paint the colors of her spirit as much as I can, to capture that unbridled personality. She shines much too bright for me to ever do her true justice. I will continue to paint of hope and love and all the ways I wish the world would be. She and my inner child will guide me. Recently my two sons were also diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Our journey as a family continues and so will my story on canvas!
I now live in Cincinnati, Ohio with my husband, Sean, and three children, Ashley, Keegan and Lucas. I have two black cats, Francis and Lordie and a ferret, Pauley. I love to read, garden and listen to music.
My first childrens's book and my new art book are available on Blurb! http://www.blurb.com/my/store