, Rawlins WY
My life's challanges started from an early age I knew I was not like other children I met; from my premature birth to my undying issues forming friendships with others I had many challenges including severe physical/psychological abuse, loss of family, mental illness, bullying, sexual preference and chemical dependance just to give a brief overview. Yes; I took on my mission of becoming truly and densely dysfunctional in all ways possible, I needed to become a fully sleeping Human Being. Today many label it Schizophrenia with ADHD combined; featuring Fixed Pareidolia Psychosis, INFP Personality, Visual Artist, Potentiality Engineer, Way Shower and the list goes one within infinity of the transformation I AM.
By shortly after my 30th birthday my life of denial, drugs, mental illness, life changing events, money, relationships had truly succeeded in me becoming a monstrosity begging to implode not only my life but those around me. It all culminatyed in a 3-4 year period where every fear which had guided my choices, that I had held onto and stored within me as utter truth, the manifestation of these fears into my perceived reality, a hell right here right now. I had become Human; not even a shred of light feeling, thinking and acting out on my view that I had lost my right to live (even exist) This level of human dysfunctionality truly began my liberation and awaking within me that has never stopped and which has proven to me without a doubt of the miracle I am now.
It started with my grand fall of my illusions. The drivers which had driven my life's choices and accomplishments where rooted deep in many fears; success, money, validation, denial, relationships, love. My first 30 years where centered on the complete lies and justifications I used to hide from myself and to hide my life's prewired notions. This was especially true in regards to close relationships, addiction, and severe mental illness and the unending seeking for that love validation.
By my early 30's I had unraveled, lost everything I thought was important, my personality up to this point disintegrated and I experienced a daily horror story nothing short than hell right here on Earth, the kicker is I seemed to be the only one who would experience this with all of my senses relentlessly. So after 30+ very serious suicide attempts and yes many stays in hospital or partial hospital change was required; my exit from Human life strategy had failed. Medications and much therapy helped tack a loose pathway within.
This was the start of my transmutation into all I am, the realignment of spirit/mind/emotions/body. It required validating new truths, concepts, beliefs and inner trust. Part of this process was a driver for the creation of this website, collecting and sharing things I found online that resonated and facilitated a shift within. As I found myself doing the work, releasing, accepting, allowing I started to notice within me how I had began dismantling my dense dysfunctional patterns I had accepted as universal truth. I had so much healing within my outer manifestation started aligning; this started my 7 year process at developing and automating my main healing source; this website.
I have gone from hell to a state of almost miraculous happiness, I have changed myself from deep within to every aspect of all I am, When I say I am a miracle, I am. I will never say my way is the way. My way is unique to all of my life's experiences. What inspired me may horrify you. But one committed to discernment of what resonates with you and holdinging back judgment, especially within, to allow all the colors to make themselves known is the utter beauty of my process of healing.
This site is a collection of articles about dissolving the fears and realigning with unconditional love as a basis for all actions I undertake. I did a dusey on myself as I am sure many of us have, it took decades to get there and it will take determination and space to get back